1st day of Syawal

Actually not much excitement in me for this year raya, all i think is for the kids and of course my duty as a muslim to celebrate this victory after a month long of fasting.

no plans were made,i really leave it to Allah.i performed my sunat hari raya prayers,then put on my baju raya(rm150 for 3 pcs, not bad rite),gathered the kids,they were also in new clothing and in raya mood. A has grown taller from me and handsome in his purple baju melayu,M too. Mum decided to stay with me which i have no objection at all.Had some photos session,kids seek forgiveness from me and myself from mum.everything was fine.

Deep in me,i hate thinking of any emosional situation to happen , no way and during this raya.

Then,kids wanted a dip in the swimming  pool especially M.At 2pm, Sis called and asking if we wanted to go Bkt Gedung, all i think is only A & M,A was excited to meet the cousinds and to collect duit raya,so my answer is up to you.

Ding dong!

The moment of truth....they came,kak ano sefamily and BA, my heart was pumping fast,i was keeping the coolest i can,acted like nothing had happened,busy myself to wash the dishes..then suddenly,yeah,,,people changed,Allah has it better plan for us..she came and embraced me,in split second,i also went to her and we were hugging each other..tears brimming in my eyes but i quickly wiped off. It has been a year plus that i did not contact her,during this time last raya, i was in Sabah holidaying and bawa diri.The pain that i went through was too much and unbearable.

We left the apartment to dad's grave,then visited 3 uncles,the usual trip that we will do everytime Syawal comes by..

till then

SYAWAL 2010

A day before Syawal,me and kids took a flight for our balik kampung trip,(this is so called my turn to hari raya with kids) before that,preparation were as usual, buying cake,cookies,rendang .preparation for kids was made earlier before Ramadhan,duit raya and all other money matters.that is me,things are planned a head...to avoid clashes and pening kepala..i still doing the same thing like what i did before ever since i  had A. Its all about the kids..the unsual thing is only my family is now shrinked to 3 from 4,balik kampung not to a home or rumah kampung but to a serviced apartment..well ,life goes on,no need to fear for the future, Allah is always with me,i must only have faith in Him.

No one knows or feels what i went through, very easy to pin point but doubt if this happened to anyone else,they can take it and handle it as cool as me..but the scars are everywhere,that i cant guarantee will fade.

Kids are ok,believed with the help from Allah, the should be able to face this as another challenging episode in thier life.

I will never leave them as they are the most precious,the greatest and valuable gifts from Allah to me.